Libellous and offensive comments made on the Friends Reunited web site about former teachers were “going to land someone in very hot water” promised David Hart, president of the National Association of Head Teachers. “I mean it,” he went on, “Unless the person who wrote these remarks owns up this minute, the whole Internet will be back here at four o’clock for detention!”

Following several minutes of silence punctuated by a few giggles at the back, Mr Hart, described on an FR memory board as “Stinky Fart”, exploded, “Right, that’s it! See me after school! I will NOT have teachers insulted by a rabble like you lot!”

“You heard Mr Hart,” added his deputy, Phil Nevvins, who has “a nice tight arse” according to a former pupil of his boys school.

Steve “Panko” Pankhurst, joint owner of the FR website, said “We are monitoring the situation very closely,” although he went on to admit that he had only started the site as a means to make anonymous allegations of sexual urges for small boys against a former art teacher.

“Pankhurst, see me in my office. I hope you’re wearing thick trousers.” said Mr Hart in reply.