[…Which is a reference to an Etta James song and thus culturally right-on and clever, not offensive or politically incorrect - at ALL - as you might think from reading what follows. Our RNIB donation backs us up and eases our conscience.]

Did you know that Tuesday 15th July is “Wear your shades” day in aid of Guide Dogs for the Blind? Yes, another opportunity to be wacky and zany in your workplace - without getting the sack like you probably deserve, you irritating flubb - at very little personal inconvenience while basking in the warm glow of patronising others less fortunate and hopefully less annoying than yourself. BB doesn’t quite understand why we aren’t instead being asked to walk around with our eyes closed, if we really want to show some empathy with the blind. But then, we look around at this sad excuse for society and realise that wouldn’t be any different from normal.

As a student, BB recalls “Wear your jeans day” in support of the fight against AIDS (or lesbian and gay discrimination, or was it lowering the age of consent for hamsters? Whatever). Students wearing denim - there’s a unique and irresistible force for change! If they could be persuaded to do that, imagine what they might do in the sway of a fascist demigod figure. We can picture the warm glow of achievement felt by the campaign team when everyone got up at midday as normal and threw on last night’s Levi’s while they all said to each other, “Wow, look how many people we got to support us!” The success of that event was followed in short order by “Eating against famine in Africa”-Tuesday and “Breathe for Jesus” week.

Speaking of fascist demigods, maybe we should try this: HEY, EVERYONE WHO THINKS BB SHOULD BE PRESIDENT, WEAR YOUR UNDERPANTS NOW! There we go, an overwhelming majority in favour (except for that girl in Braintree - slut). Tony Blair must surely be quaking with fear as he realises the strength of our democratic mandate to rule. But he always does what he’s told by a president; it can only be a matter of time and bureaucracy before executive power is transferred to this web site. Those of you with double digit IQs might want to report to the dog food factory now. Wear your shades if you like.