Joyous celebrations all round the corridors of power, as evil fugitive and ZZ Top tribute band member Saddam Hussein is finally captured. Following medical examination and interrogation, Saddam is expected to be gift-wrapped and placed under George Bush’s christmas tree along with the US 2004 election result. The world can now rest safe from the terrible threat posed by this elusive villain who, even as he was lurking in his basement, was constructing a new “super missile” from empty baked bean tins that could have been launched within 45 minutes (or as soon as he could eat all the beans).

Meanwhile, Saddam’s chief accomplices remain at large. They are currently believed to be hiding out in secret bunkers underneath the White House.

“What about the weapons of mass destruction?”
“Shut up!”