Manchester City Council recently launched a Challenge Manchester campaign to tidy the dump up a bit, under the slogan “Love Manchester? ImProve it!” Presumably the counterargument to that is “Loathe Manchester? Bomb it!” Or even better, it’s the Up Yours Manchester web site and spoof posters (“Helping to keep the city safe for Yuppies”).

Leaving aside the fact that, to the average Mancunian, it’s enough of a challenge to use public transport without pushing, shoving, obstructing and pissing off everyone else, Cllr Paul Murphy is deeply upset that his lovely, cuddly campaign is being spoilt by “environmental terrorists” - perhaps he should ask his colleagues in national government to dish out a few control orders, forbidding them from using glue or voting. He’s already vowed to prosecute anyone caught putting up the posters, and adds: “…We are attempting to clean up Manchester to a world class city standard. If people feel that agenda threatens liberty or we are being killjoys then I disagree profoundly.” And he will also see you in court, pal. He’s serious, you know. He’s already cleaned up his office, throwing his dictionary, along with his marbles, into the nearest waste bin.

Just don’t suggest cleaning up local government. They’re already pretty challenged.